Saturday, October 6, 2012

I'm Back?

It's been two years since I've last posted and I don't really know why I've decided to open this blog again. Part of me feels like I've found a voice that I am comfortable with and would like to share and part of me feels a sort of obligation to the past me. Much of my earlier writing is about trying to get inspired, about going out and giving my all and although I speak it, I have failed to document where this insane drive comes from. Do people care? I don't know. All I know is my own personal experience and how I've grown over the years. I look over what I've accomplished and I constantly think of why things happened and how things will happen in the future. I've recognized patterns and I think that some of them work. I've just closed my company and it never felt so right. I am proud of the years I spent on the road but there are certain moments in your life where you feel like, "Ya, this is it. This is what I should be doing."
I've been doing art for many many years and throughout my time running Cycle-Bird, I ignored the desire to create images because I didn't see the role it could play in society. I was always asking myself, "What could I possibly create that would excel us as humans and contribute to the creative world." I had no answers so I gave up. Instead I got on my bike no matter the weather, strapped packages to my back and hustled as hard as I could to make sure the gears of the businesses I served kept turning. Did I think it would bring me to this moment? No way. I thought I'd grow into the biggest courier company in the city and have the whole business world turned onto it's head about how transportation REALLY should be done. I thought that I would be dispatching giant cargo bikes riding from Point-Claire to downtown with boxes and packages for some of the biggest companies on the island. That was my dream.

So did I fail? You might ask yourself, why would you even ponder that question. What does failure have to do with this? Well, if you are an overachiever, you will know the feeling. The feeling of creating a goal that is completely unattainable and then fighting for it really hard and then doing pretty darn good but completely ignoring any drop of success. This is what drives me. The idea that I will never be good enough so I better just keep fighting cause otherwise I would just dig a pit to crawl into and live off of the little bugs that scurry past me. I am no good unless I am the best. Screwed up right?

I know, it's screwed up but it's all I know. It's all I've ever been. It's all I ever will be. I kind of wish OVERACHIEVER could be a knuckle tattoo because I feel like it is one part of my identity that wont change. So let me just bring it back to the main point here which is why I am blogging again. I am blogging to help inspire others. I want to help people who maybe need a little kick in the ass to go out there and do what they feel in their heart. To not follow the flow of the unnatural sewage river that is city life, but to expand and reach out to what is real. What we really should be doing here as we inhabit the space we were given. Consider this just a brain fart to get the juices flowing and stay tuned for writings, photos and probably some ridiculous writings about how I see the world. It will most likely be a weekly thing but maybe more, maybe less.
We shall see my friends, we shall see.

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